FORGETING

STUPID DAMN DAMN. i just say to myself. its been 5 years and 5 months i admit that i cant forget her. damnit. as this day especially for all the supermom in the world so i take time to see all the picture of us. and i saw 1 picture of us with her. she stand next to my mother on my graduation day . i just cant understand my brain for having a hard time to remove her completely . suddenly i feel like to see how her day so far. she had block and unfren me afterall. so i am using my other account to see her facebook. well  as expected she already had someone to hold her close.  seem like they are so happy together. and "he" already working. so i just can smile knowing that she already had the best for her life with someone that can protect and taking a good care of her.so yeah i should take a funeral for this feeling.  after all the memories we had , i take a contemplation to realize that the space btw her finger its not meant to mine . whatever happen next, i just hope she will be happy as i will take my step to forget . in this post i will say that thx for letting me know the feeling of love. "god i dont pray for miracle to happen but i just hope she will be happy in her life and she will always take the right path to get the very best in her life." - my stupid prayer

strangers

 assume this post was on the flashback. there is a girl. sparkling eyes. long hair. quite person and look shy. the most important is she was on the same lecture hall with me ! i remember what her wore on our first day in lecture. with her hair neatly tied and a green shirt. i really dont trust my feeling but yeah it was like a paper stamped . leaving a sign on it.  soon afterward, whenever i am going to attend the lecture and i started sweating heavily.! damn it.. the moment that stick the most in me was the moment when i wore the same pink with her. that time was in  chemistry class and my sight caught on her that we are on the same pink !."blushing" i cant concentrate. i swear ! every single minute my time on lecture wasted on her. then  soon after that, my time on lecture class become my artwork class. i drew her. from every angle she sat . call me crazy but i cant help myself from stoping my hand to draw her beautiful face. every page on my book written off her name . i keep this feeling inside  for a long time . and until the last sem we had, i still keep this only btw me and myself. secretly draw her , asking about her, and more likely to say stalking her. i try not to but my brain own my body. lol i know im just a fool but this is the only way i can do .i tell no people about this . and suddenly i have the guts to wish her as the exam is around the corner. but i take the first step. wishing her gudnight everytime before i went to sleep. and there is a time when i dont expect my hp to vibrate for notification suddenly show a text from "her" and beyond my excitement i read it written down "gudnight" . only a word really give a bed of roses to my dream.when this thing continuously to happen, suddenly i realize that i climb a mountain with only a left leg.she was perfect to me but i am far beyond the uncomplete. so i take my next move , to letting go. i know that i cant even qualified to stand beside her. so i take my backward. . i just hope that she will know about this although it impossible.,well i dont pray to god for miracle. but i pray to him to make her happy. the real guy who will fit the empty spaces btw her finger.i know my level so yeah . :) as a stranger, i secretly wish u for the best.

the final boss

actually i want to post this earlier but the internet just upset. now i have finish tame her. lol well final moment in this place . the study week . and there's a lot to happen. some super damn shit happen to me. to be honest  i am the type of person who doesnt really take deeply to what people think about me. say anything about me. becoz this is myself. and i am the boss of me. the judging part is not for anyone to take. and i meant it ! that why  i keep calm. and keep moving . but i do care about when i was blame for sumthing that i done nothing.some piece of shit didnt understand btw proud and pride. i do accept when people say i am stupid . yeah i know it. i swallow it. but when they rise their head blame me for nothing that i havent done the actually me will come out . im sory but when i hate the hate will never stop . and there is a fren of  mine say to me that i was the who need to apologize becoz THE MOMENT OF TOGETHER GONNA END. then i'll say go fuck urself dude. i really sory. but i do have pride in me. and no one shall step in it. i dont care about it..  go ahead . hate me people. but i know i am the one who step in the right way. the immature mind thinking that we must forgive. and i call that hypocritical bullshit! how about  u were hurt by somebody and just becoz ur fren need u to apologize as a title that they were fren . and the shit out of u apologize to the person.but in the inside the hate and hurt combine creating a concrete wall. strengthen ur vengeful heart. and it showing that u have no respect to urself. u fight against ur BOSS, ur soul. so i am sory to tell that im out of that , i stay with myself. with my BOSS! 

soon afterwards the exam come. and i study like hell! i put some electrical charge to my brain . prevent my eyes from closing until 6 am, and directly take a shower and go for the exam. this shit happen continuously until the last paper. yeah this was the final boss! my last exam in this crap. i have to endure the pain and have the best for my future. and hell yeah, it was end. thank god for ur help . and i pray to u to give me the best result . amen!