sleep forever

have u ever experienced dream of dying? well this is not the 1st time for me and this happen about 2 weeks ago . sumtimes i prefer to refuse in believing but it ended by creeping me up. idk what the f is  goin on but 4 years ago i dreamed about i was in a cold dark place. i was frozen as it the mighty cold had devouring my soul. i been yell for hours for help . but it was nothing. i am so afraid . and when suddenly i saw a guy pass by . i shouted at him . "hey help me i freezing up .' but the reaction completely out of my expectation. he just give me a glance  and continue his walk . it look like he CANT see me ! i was totally creep me out. and i woke up after that . the cold sweat full on my body . and what is really giving me goosebump , the last 2 week i had the same dream . i was confused and when i went for my fren blog i just saw a post of him about me. he said he saw me die in a snowy place. 1stly he saw me tied up and lay down on the ground. he try to help with my another fren but it was to late. when they reach me i already dead ! kenny was dead. i was super terrified. and the night before i read his blog i just dreamed again about i was sick . my body was burning up. i cant even move my finger. and all my fren sending me to hospital . while i was on the patient bed i had vague vision but i swear i completely good in hearing. and i heard my fren ask the doctor if i am okay.. then the doctor said am i getting this disease for more than 2 days and my fren answered yes. then the doctor say i am sory but he can live for only 1 week . i was shocked ! my body shaking. my grip loosen. my heart race . i  am crying on that dream . and when i woke up my pillow was so wet becoz of my sweat. i dont know what does this all mean but i just hope this was not a sign for sumthing bad. my fren say don trust it . i will not !. but i already had a precuation step for anything.

keep calm and kill roshan

today i skip the whole class again. i woke up late becoz i try to finish the page chemistry until 5. and i cant wake up at 7. well i am sux at waking up . and i got exam but i fail to attend.  i dont know what to say but i am so disappointed to myself . but what can i do . that myself. but i really had tried to get rid of those bad habit of mine . i take it slowly. and i am changing. but human recovery cant be as wolverine right? that why i need time. i  really sory to people around me especially my classmate, the lecturer. i know u'll were upset to me. i am really sory. i just want to say i already take the route of changing . and now i try to keep calm as in DOTA. keep calm and kill roshan . but we cant survive forever. aegis only use-able once. i need to change ! and i promise. i will . i say it again. i can change !

the immature thinker

well life goin to reach to light end of the tunnel? if so i wasnt ready for it .well the life get tough . a lot of war happen . only from the wrong of the past .then they take the opportunity  to step on the head of the innocent that they think was weak . feeling so confident, throwing words about they are the best . as a regular guy inside the mock from them honestly they really tried my patience and was completely pain me inside ! long ago, i had the same thinking about it . that we need to fight . every unsettled business must be ended up by fight. a lot of people keep the bulshit on them , mocking them but i just think that not the correct way. i already on the same condition before . my guts gonna reach the top of my head to counter attack but i just realized i am the only person  have the mind to stand up and fight. then one moment when i was reading about'him' i just knew it by goin to fight it not the right thing to do to change people minds. god has a better plan for us .that y i prefer to keep silence. i  washed  my hand about it . every NO sumtimes will increases the percentage of the YES .
                                                   

the existence

people keep denying about the existence of  the thing that they condemn  to their believe. the word no never bullshit keep  become the first row . i am not on any intention to change all of those mind but i just want to share the simplest way of human thinking.  for example god.  1st of all i want to tell  the world that i am nobody and never be good in pray but i as a human i do know how the real think of human work . evryday people keep saying god is not exist .  well i cant proof it as well that is he real or just  in a book with a lot of stories of him . but it just as simple as this . why does people still confused  about the existence of an alien ? it is like this . do u believe in copa? well if u're thinking right now no need to take  a lot of time because i dont really know about what is copa . in order to say sumthing or to be clear to denying about sumthing existence u must know what is that thing. so i bet u hard to believe in copa because u dont actually know what is that , then if u say god is not exist it mean that u know what is god . this obviously u only condemn in ur own thinking about god .   its good to realize than only to act like u are the one who know evrything . to be honest im not a good person. its rare for me to take the ground on my knees and pray to him for this living . but as least i do know how to think in a good way. if u dont believe in sumthing doest mean they not believe in u . and obviously , the way we react about it totally  change our mind on it. people say does god really almighty ? what does he do? god cant be all-knowing? absolutely . god cant be all-knowing . for example if baby was born and u ask god about what is the baby gonna be in the future . a thief? and god only can say yes and no. if the answer go for maybe this show that god had doubt . it the same like we pray. they say god will answer in 3 . yes no and maybe. what about 100 murderers, right after slaughtering people and  they ended up praying to god to forgive them and unfortunately god asnwer go for maybe . then 100 people will take obscuration that they will not forgiven easily. but to be clear god is not a tool for removing sin . that y thre is the answer maybe. it is all the matter of think . it is same like why there is a police if we still didnt know if there is a crime? so like the baby if god asnwer maybe it actually show that god giving the baby life to live with happiness but the rest is up to how the baby think about his or her life.  is u ask if god want to a happy life why is he not creating only  a people that master in pray? this show about ourself. we cant be good all the time. sumtimes there is a time we need to take the bad to survive.  but it just the matter how we think about it  .

crossed

i just crossed today . well this ashy thing xD  i feel holy . although i stand inside the bus all the way to home but i don care . xD  when i get that ashy thing i really felt that i was so close to him . tell u what there is another reason why i am  happy. it becoz i met this person on kik and she super kind. xD we talk almost evryday even the time was completly act as night and day but i doesnt matter. she is understanding . i share most of my bad and good time to her. and honestly she made my day . idk but i am happy as long as the conversation of ask eating why between us never gonna end . well on this ash wednesday i just wan to thank to god for giving me the chance to remove the feeling of lonely for a while. as long i can talk to her i will take care of this talk as sumtimes i feel she was my real FRIEND!

DARK AND ME

a part of my hobby . waking up late.  . maybe not to wake up . i love dark . and only with sleep i will  free from sunlight. sumtimes i was wondering that what if this world exist  only at night? cool ! i just cant  stop thinking about it. dark . it was relaxing . trust me. the reason why i like dark so much .1st  mybe i dont have reason to love light. 2nd) i dont have reason not to love dark . 3) dark seal this world full of lies. 4)dark completely cover the light of pretend. 5) we cant see this awful life in dark 6) we dont need to see anything without light. we need only to care about ourself.. 7) dark is life. 8) and lastly maybe im a vampire.

obscure

 i sleep for almost 17 hours perday. i try to let my sweat-day to dry. damn  life. this study related thing killing me . and i cannot fit it in me. this shit keep overwhelming all over my damn life. i feel like a dead body . zombie, that why i taking my ways try to get me alive. sleep . i rather die in my sleep .  classes? yeah chained up my organ to function well. i cant breath . math physic? gimme a break .. i get caught in my lecture that im not there. who cares? nobody ! even me . i dont care at all . all people know is talk . talk talk and talk . yeah i feel it too . im a bad person  but u dont even know me and u judge me? hell on u dude. omegle? ya this thing is relaxing. everybody listen not talk .. i found that i only can share on it. this life is unfair , why does people  character  show only the negative side  in the sight of the others?  i dont get it. i get shaped like this so yeah . i know perfectly about myself and u dont have the right to judge me.  i like to become obscure. better than invisible. hate me? go on . i cannot stop all the people from pulling the trigger of hate on me. so yeah . being lightsome, hate me people. i take it. i swallow it..  at least i know what i am doing.people say we must do sumthing inside logical.u know what? sumtimes fuck logic. do what ur heart tell u not the word that change ur heart..if people try to correct me, keep it . cause i dont work for anyone. i am the boss of myself. i do my correction on my own . i would fight only for myself and love only myself. if people come to magnify the love than there is no other better world rather than this.

classes

classes, glasses? all doesnt suit me right. to be honest? its such a damn painn when u're given a ton of task and u must passed it out all together. so i am looking for space in this blog to release the sweating part of my days. this shit continue to happen .  well im not a guys  to really get in study . so yeah . im dyingg .  i just wish this to end .

2013 damn face

the truth is  2013 come . well that is me . edited . how good is life when we can edit it just like we want. but thats impssible . well i  just hope to get better in the next new year. happy new year everyone !





_music never sleep_

the face that keep me alive

love u!

happy birthday jesus

 so xmas confronting us.  like before , it give huge tide of happiness to all us ., sodamn me. but i only
wish santa will give me the "time" as my present .  well life goes on although it never went as we expect. too much drink , sing and laugh will just mend it for a while. super duper faked. such a shit pretend to be happy . i miss  a  lot of people .  to admit ,this xmas totally aint gonna be my best. even if it doesnt exist. god im sorry for giving such a damn expression on ur birthday , i know im just a person with nothing and never good in pray but i just hope u will understand me and taught me  the right thing to face this .  so it still look great right? well absolutely . even it doesnt even give a slice of mean to u but for me u already wound me enough .and the scar? yeah . hell pain .  anyway im still happy that i still live on this 2012 xmas to hold this feeling for u .

_ken_

end of world?

so people keep talking about the end of the world. for me. i already end long time ago i just started the new beginning of me. well , dont think u're right just the time didnt show it. it just we cant see with our eyes. the perfect fools always say 'see there is no end of world. thats all bullshit.' dont be so sure dude.. anyway i have no contact with god so i cant tell the right time about this end thing, but for sure , it will come for us someday. well sometimes human is the major factor this end thing come to confront us .. i mean that there is no apocalyps except we create it . but taking it deep inside it do exist inside of us. u can discover when the time tells the end of u not the world . so, it shows that the end of us is near then the end of the world.  if u're happy the world is not gonna end yet, be ready for ur end.

i feel totally gay

well , to be honest i am single . super boring and yeah its hell. i just don want it end the same as before. so yeah lets time fix it . i feel so gay. life? yeah gay life. avoiding for girl? it sux but i just need it. saw a holding hand , smile laugh and mostly the sweet talk uh kiling me.oh man . stay late night share story , the holding hand , kisses (wish i ever had) i miss them all . so im gay ? almost. i  just wish a fangy girl that good in fingerstyle or in other word guitar come to me and say . "hey the word of the day is me. how about u come to my place and take the word." i just wish it ! but its ok . i still happy and breathe in this lack of romance life.

life

out of night that cover me, black as the pits from pole to pole
i thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.
in the fell clutch of circumstance, i have not winced nor cried aloud. under the bludgeonings of chance my head is bloody but unbowed. beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade. And yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid. It matt

ers not how strait the gate how charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate and i am the captain of my soul. If u can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if u can trust urself when all men doubt you , but make allowance for their doubting too. If u can wait and not be tired of waiting, or being lied about,dont deals in lies, or being hated,dont give way to hating and yet dont look too good, nor talk too wise. if u can dream and not make dreams ur master, if u can think and not make thought ur aim, if u can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same. if u can bear to hear the truth you've spoken. twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools or watch the things u gave ur life to broken, and stoop and build them up with worn-out tools. if u can make one heap of all ur winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss , and lose and start again at ur beginnings and never breathe a word about ur loss. if u can force ur heart and nerve and sinew to serve ur turn long after they are gone and so hold on when there is nothing in u except the will which says to them ; 'hold on!' . if u can talk with crowds and keep ur virtue . or walk with kings nor lose the common touch , if neither foes nor living friends can hurt u, if all men count with u, but none too much, if u can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth
of distance run yours is the earth and everything thats in it. and which is more- you'll be a man .

ALL ABOUT SHIT HAPPEN

sumtimes life doesnt go as expected right? this will totally give shit to all who experienced it. well i think i am the one . i guarantee that when u were stabbed by a knife on ur back it will hurt less than see someone u trust asking totally about the damn scar of ur love one . i know this sounds bullshit but i dont care. cause i know how the shit feel . the feeling of longing , empty ,combine and create new damn loneliness. lol sound sux. but its reality . the person who inspired u , levelled up ur guts to be the one with her and finally he took all the kisses .i don really care about this shit but it really gave me a damn pain inside . so , ,maybe u should give all ur words before the time not allowed u too . but sumtimes we must take it . cause that how we can learn to give away in our life . so yeah . let her or him go . maybe they were not meant for u . 

well to give it directly , we cannot push all things to happen according to our plan but sumtimes we must know the different between defeated and take defeat. defeated is u're struggling , striving and fighting but in the end u still down on ur knee to the ground. take defeat is simple that is to hold the title loser before the whistle blow up. so whatever is it , sumtimes we must accept defeat in our life because defeat is not evil its just let us to know about our weakness.

zz

out of thinking.

to think , u're still inside !

so life goin on? why not? but i feel that im stuck . i cant breath. the memory holds me tight .i should throw it away but cant . and to admit , a lot of smile had really shackled me. but i try to neglect. because. i dont need to say. people would laugh at loud reading this but i dont have an y intention to really care about it , i just say what i felt inside , i pictured it , every moment about it , now im paralyzed behind . i cant move on  can sum1 break the bond ?the ghost of you . condemned .it was me . the one who fool . the puzzle of the reality. a random scene toying me. the voice , the smile . completely devouring me.the distance increase. i cant hold it. just let it pass. since when u become the most friendly? u come every dream of mine .!!! go awayy. i cant loose the chain . damn . asking about having new hand-hold ? why not? it just you who kept pulling me from to do so .u haunt me . i want to feel free yet i will. i shall follow the truth . ignore the rest. keep climbing . and totally u will disappears. i am taking the best way to go through , hope and indeed it will work . i should say goodbye before . so should i say now?  if i were given a chance ,i just do hope that u will smile just like the way it become my greatest nightmare again .

Catherine Critcher - Email, Address, Phone numbers, everything! 123people.com

Catherine Critcher - Email, Address, Phone numbers, everything! 123people.com